What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:34
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
This is soul school!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why do some women squirt and some don't?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Is there a possibility that we are living in a simulation and that there is a concept of rebirth?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
What did i know ?
What are some life hacks for living on your own?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Jimmy Buffett's Wife Files to Remove Co-Trustee on $275 Million Estate - Variety
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
What is world history that not many people know about?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I think the readers, may guess!
Nintendo Switch 2 passes JerryRigEverything durability test with one major flaw - Dexerto
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Jason Sudeikis Pays Tribute To His Late Uncle George Wendt: “I Love Him Dearly” - Deadline
He resisted the act ,that day.
I will be 64.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
What Happens to Your Blood Pressure When You Eat Dark Chocolate Every Day? - Verywell Health
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My family never makes their pension either.
How do I get over a long-term relationship breakup?
All the time i was locked up.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I write beautiful poetry .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was 9 years of age.
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As a woman, what would be you response to a male friend’s offer of a full body massage?
She found it foreign!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We were not on the streets..
Im still living with it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We all went to grammer schools
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My life is so biszare .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He knew the spot.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Ive learnt so much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot live in the past .
When she asked me how she looked .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So, i spoilt her more .
She was in good health!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It was going to be , some day.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I never cut or harmed myself..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Comes on , in middle age.
Was to survive, this bastard.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So whats the point in blame.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it wasn’t much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Put me off passion for life!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was scared of men, in general
But, we were locked up after school.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was seconnd youngest,
As i do to all so called friends.?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She married twice! .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i lived it daily.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Who then, do I blame.?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Would this be the day?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was very sick at this time too.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I waited trembling.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!